And here's to you, Mr. Darcy...

Blah. I wrote this a couple of days ago for a book report. I do hope Simon and Garfunkel won't be too displeased....

And here’s to you, Mr. Darcy
Lizzy loves you more than you will know
Wo wo wo
Collins bless you please, Mr. Darcy
Hertfordshire holds a place for those who flirt
irt irt irt...irt irt irt


We’d like to know a little bit ‘bout why you’re such a jerk
We’d like for you to learn to drop some pride
Look around you all you see are Lizzy’s pretty eyes
Stroll around her house until you feel in love


And here’s to you, Mr. Darcy
Lizzy loves you more than you will know
Wo wo wo
Collins bless you please, Mr. Darcy
Hertfordshire holds a place for those who flirt
irt irt irt...irt irt irt


Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your tea-cakes
It’s a little secret, just Mr. Darcy’s affections
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from Lady Cathrine


Coo, coo, ca-choo Mr. Darcy
Lizzy loves you more than you will know
Wo wo wo
Collins bless you please, Mr. Darcy
Hertfordshire holds a place for those who flirt
irt irt irt...irt irt irt


Sitting in the parlor on a Sunday afternoon
Watchin’ Ms. Bennet play
Think about it, dream about it
What have you got to loose?
Just your connections and your pride


Where have you gone Mr. Wickham?
The militia turns it’s lonely eyes to you
Woo woo woo
What’s that you say, Mr. Darcy?
Whippin’ Wick has left and gone away
Hey hey hey...hey hey hey





Also written a couple days ago for the book report:

Dear Abby,
My once seemingly amiable cousin, whom I shall call “Elizabeth” has just rejected my offer of marriage! I do not understand this refractory refusal! The very nerve of the woman! If you think this a matter of looks, have faith in my words dear woman, I am far from plain. My manners are exquisite, and my sermons, (oh my sermons, my glorious sermons,) are food for the soul from the very bosom of our Lord. It was out of pure sympathy and compassion that I expressed my affections. I felt genuine sorrow when she defied my hand. Sorrow for her! I knew the first time I gazed upon her that her receiving an offer of marriage was as likely as America winning the war! How very put-out I am! She could be toying with my emotions, but in any case, my patroness, the most highly esteemed Lady Catherine De Bourgh, will be very displeased with this situation, I am afraid. And her opinion is the only one that matters.
What is one to do?
-Harassed in Hertfordshire



Dear Harassed,
It is in my professional opinion that when one is attracted to a cousin, they should seek medical attention. Immediately. ASAP. Forthright. Have a good day.
-Abby

I've actually read a Dear Abby terrifyingly similar to the one above. Blah.