Happy Womb Emancipation Day, Alan Rickman!

Oh, Allie.
You have inspired a deep, fiery love in me, that as Buttercup would put it, cannot be tracked by a thousand bloodhounds, or broken with a thousand swords. You are the cheese to my macaroni. My other half, my one coquette. The answer to my love's duet! Though age may hunch your back, or British tea drinking cause all those wondrous teeth to fall from your head, I-eeee-iiii will always love youuuu!
May you stay forever sexy.
Your dulcet, devoted darling,
Laura Perfervidly Twitter-pated Chapman

And here's to you, Mr. Darcy...

Blah. I wrote this a couple of days ago for a book report. I do hope Simon and Garfunkel won't be too displeased....

And here’s to you, Mr. Darcy
Lizzy loves you more than you will know
Wo wo wo
Collins bless you please, Mr. Darcy
Hertfordshire holds a place for those who flirt
irt irt irt...irt irt irt


We’d like to know a little bit ‘bout why you’re such a jerk
We’d like for you to learn to drop some pride
Look around you all you see are Lizzy’s pretty eyes
Stroll around her house until you feel in love


And here’s to you, Mr. Darcy
Lizzy loves you more than you will know
Wo wo wo
Collins bless you please, Mr. Darcy
Hertfordshire holds a place for those who flirt
irt irt irt...irt irt irt


Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your tea-cakes
It’s a little secret, just Mr. Darcy’s affections
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from Lady Cathrine


Coo, coo, ca-choo Mr. Darcy
Lizzy loves you more than you will know
Wo wo wo
Collins bless you please, Mr. Darcy
Hertfordshire holds a place for those who flirt
irt irt irt...irt irt irt


Sitting in the parlor on a Sunday afternoon
Watchin’ Ms. Bennet play
Think about it, dream about it
What have you got to loose?
Just your connections and your pride


Where have you gone Mr. Wickham?
The militia turns it’s lonely eyes to you
Woo woo woo
What’s that you say, Mr. Darcy?
Whippin’ Wick has left and gone away
Hey hey hey...hey hey hey





Also written a couple days ago for the book report:

Dear Abby,
My once seemingly amiable cousin, whom I shall call “Elizabeth” has just rejected my offer of marriage! I do not understand this refractory refusal! The very nerve of the woman! If you think this a matter of looks, have faith in my words dear woman, I am far from plain. My manners are exquisite, and my sermons, (oh my sermons, my glorious sermons,) are food for the soul from the very bosom of our Lord. It was out of pure sympathy and compassion that I expressed my affections. I felt genuine sorrow when she defied my hand. Sorrow for her! I knew the first time I gazed upon her that her receiving an offer of marriage was as likely as America winning the war! How very put-out I am! She could be toying with my emotions, but in any case, my patroness, the most highly esteemed Lady Catherine De Bourgh, will be very displeased with this situation, I am afraid. And her opinion is the only one that matters.
What is one to do?
-Harassed in Hertfordshire



Dear Harassed,
It is in my professional opinion that when one is attracted to a cousin, they should seek medical attention. Immediately. ASAP. Forthright. Have a good day.
-Abby

I've actually read a Dear Abby terrifyingly similar to the one above. Blah.

Fun with Jane and Jane...

I wrote this about a month ago, but never posted it because at the time it was crap. But now it doesn't seem to be the crap I thought it once was. Hurrah!

I have switched gears from Jane Eyre to Jane Austen. Double Jane. This can't be healthy....
So, why the sudden Jane obsession? Fate. My Jane Eyre obsession happened after watching the movie and happening upon the novel at Deseret Book for about $4. The Jane Austen obsession, however, was born last night, at about 12:30 in the morning, after watching Becoming Jane for the first time. My impressions? They are as follows: *ahem*......... *giggle*, awww, GAH! *sob* THERE'S A KNIFE IN ME HEART!!!!
After I calmed down a bit and dried my tears, I laid there for a while, just observing a forming epiphany. And here she be: Decisions are everything. Every thought, every action, every blink of an eye, is a choice. The choices Jane Austen made in the film affected her thoughts, her character, her happiness, and ultimately, the entire course of her life. THE choice, the choice to leave Tom Lefory, was agony, and in the opinion of many females in America, the worst choice a woman could possibly make. But no matter how much they think so, the fact remains that Jane's choice was the right one. To quote Albus Dumbledore, "The time will come when you will have to choose between what is right and what is easy." What an awesome quote. And it's so true, too! In Jane's situation, staying with Tom, marrying him, living with and loving him until she died was a glorius, easy proposition. But she was so selfless, so in love with Tom, that she was able to do what was best for him, even though it tore her soul to pieces. Love, true love, requires sacrifice.
Which brings us to a gospel tie in. The Atonement was a choice. It was essential to the plan of salvation, yes. There would be no plan of salvation without it. But it was a choice. In Gethsemane, Christ could have walked away. He could have said "Nope, sorry, I'm done!" He was tempted to. But then love kicked in. Love for his Father, love for you, love for me, and love for all of the world. True love. True love requires sacrifice. The ultimate sacrifice. Without the Atonement, the ultimate sacrifice, there would be no love, no bliss, no anything. A bunch of mindless robots forced in a "The Giver" world. No color. No emotion. No love.
I love these kinds of movies. The gospel is so THERE and prominent in them, even if those who create them don't even realize.
How incredibly, inconceivably, almost irrationally awesome.